Stubborn Pride

Today in sacrament meeting Sister Marilyn Woodruff gave a great talk that she entitled "stubborn pride". I think it is a wonderful reminder that we are not alone, we have support from sisters in the ward, and there is a difference between being independent and accepting charity and just being plain stubborn and trying to do it all ourselves. Here is the talk in her typed words and also from the notes I took while she was speaking.


"When we moved into the ward, we were bone weary, financially drained, and felt we had nothing to offer. We were defeated in many ways. That first Sunday that we came to church we looked around and it seemed that everyone else had it together. They were better dressed, or at least their outfits seemed more put together, and they just seemed to be in a better place spiritually and even scripturally as we went through the day. The last thing we wanted to do was to tip the scales and become a burden. After all, there must have been many in the ward with greater needs than us.

And so we made a pact with each other called the "we're fine" pact. If anyone asked how we were doing, we were fine. No matter how much we might be struggling physically, emotionally, or spiritually, we were fine. We would not be a burden or drag others down with our problems. Let me tell you, if someone tells you they are fine, you really have to question them. You have to look into their eyes and then ask them again how they are doing and if you look hard you may see the truth behind "we are fine".

Many tried to break down the barriers I had put up, but my stubborn pride prevailed. Because I wouldn't talk about any of my problems, I had very little to talk about at all. I must have appeared very aloof and uninterested. The truth was that I avoided conversation about how I was doing because I was afraid I would just cry. Instead I withdrew and relied only on ourselves to solve our problems.

And so, as my health declined I became even more distant. In fact, I didn't leave my home for 5 months! David became my caretaker. And then came the fall, literally. You've heard the phrase, "Pride goeth before the fall." Well, it literally did for me. I slipped and fell in the bathroom. I lay there on the cold tile floor, like a giant beached whale. I couldn't get up and I was absolutely adamant that no one should come and help. Not people I didn't know and certainly not people I did know. I told David to throw a sheet over me and leave me there. After the better part of an hour I finally limped to the bed.

The next morning I determined that I needed to find a doctor and I found a great doctor and got on the road to rebuild my health. I am so grateful for good doctors, family, friends, and ward members for their love and support. These are the things I have had to re-learn. I always knew them, but stubborn pride stopped me from taking them to heart. If your current life makes Job look like a lottery winner, contemplate that patches of awfulness may be purposeful and in the end benevolent. Trials you can view as punishment and torture, or you can decide you are being steered by your Heavenly Father. Trials are like road bumps, they slow you down a bit but you can always look forward to enjoying the smooth road afterward. Don't stay on the bumps too long --- Move on!

What if we forget the destiny we have at birth and create a map of life bound for the life route we want. If we had it our way we would pass through life with good health, perfect romance, professional success, and eventually to a painless death (maybe being struck by a meteorite while bicycling at the age of 100). God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain. But He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. We often want to be happy without paying the price. We want to have peace in our homes and the Spirit of the Lord in our hearts while clinging to our pride.

Humility is being strong enough to ask for help and support when we have done all we can. One of the greatest evidences of pride is relying on your own strength to solve problems, no matter the cost. Many of us have heard slogans about praying as though everything depends on God, and act as though everything depends on us. But when you are stubborn or prideful, you only seem to remember the second part. This leaves us anxious, because we see how imperfect we are and conclude that we don't deserve God's help. But the Lord is willing to aid our feeblest efforts if we just ask for help. He wants an honest effort, not a perfect one.

In Hebrews 5:8 we read, "Though he were a son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered." President Benson has said that choosing to be humble is the antidote for pride. Each of us brings our own weather to the picnic of life. Life is what you make it. We can bring rain and be sad with our trials or bring sunshine and be happy. The great part is, it is up to you! We have an opportunity to be on the front line. We can bring someone kindness though a touch, a phone call, a listening shoulder (without judgement), a smile, an anonymous deed (I just love it when someone drops a quarter in my parking meter).

We need to realize that miracles often come through someone's kindness and that big miracles are really made up of lots of little miracles that have often been accomplished completely through earthly hands and willing hearts. When I was in the hospital many of our 9 children descended like locust, they were on top of everything. I had no choice but to accept their help with 'that would be great' and 'thank you'. As a parent we often feel their sacrifice is too costly to them, but forget that done with love it is a priceless gift.

When you can't sustain normal activities it's time to stop trying and surrender. Like Peter, when invited to walk on water with Jesus, we have to first take a step forward in faith. So, what are some of the solutions the scriptures offer for our stubborn pride? In 1 Peter 4:8,9,10 we read 'And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. Use hospitality one to another without grudging. As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.'

We have many to look to as examples of being humble and prayerful in the ward. Someone said fake it until you make it. By this I mean act in such a way as being humble and the more one does it the more one learns how to do it. Being humble takes great effort and prayer. It is my hope that each one of us can be more humble and less prideful."
Well said sister Woodruff, we love you!